5 Reasons to Work With a Coach During a Divorce
I don’t mean for this post to be self-serving, but I recognize that you may not have ever worked with a divorce coach before, and you might be asking yourself if it can be helpful. Which makes sense. As challenging life experiences go, divorce is up there with coping with the death of a loved one. It is, of course, like a death in so many ways. To accept a divorce means you must face and cope with living without someone you have loved deeply while losing the comfort that comes with routine and normalcy in your everyday life routines. That is a lot to process while also trying to navigate the downpour of extreme issues that accompany divorce, like meeting your ex's new love interest, responding to nasty letters from opposing counsel, navigating kid exchanges, and making high-stakes, high-pressure decisions like if the stay-at-home-parent should go back to work, who gets the first Christmas with the kids, and in many cases, how to navigate a big move.
It’s a lot. So here are five reasons why working with a divorce coach during a family law matter can be beneficial.
1. Working with a coach can save you money.
A divorce coach can help you identify your needs and develop a plan to protect your interests. This valuable information can go to your attorney, who can use it to focus their time (and likely higher billing rate) advocating for your rights and fighting for your best outcome. This saves you time and legal fees and gives you the best chance possible to start your new life on solid ground.
2. A divorce coach can help you manage your emotions and reactions.
To your attorney, divorce is the dissolution of the marital estate. For the parties (you and your soon-to-be ex), it is an emotional rollercoaster, and it's easy to get swept up in a flood of feelings. A coach can provide a safe space to express your feelings and help you develop coping strategies for dealing with a high-conflict ex. A coach can also help you create a documentation process that will keep you focused and one step ahead of your ex. If a custody issue arises, you'll be ready to hand your attorney what they need to communicate the critical issues to the court.
3. A coach can help you make better decisions.
It is normal to think that the attorneys, judges, and mediators working your case routinely identify and evaluate all relevant facts and possible outcomes unique to your situation before making proposals or decisions that will significantly impact the trajectory of your life. Unfortunately, this usually isn't possible. They have limited time to work on a case and can only work with the information they have in front of them. It is up to YOU to ensure they have the best information to work with. A coach that is certified to provide financial analysis can help you collect, analyze, and evaluate all of the information relevant to your case, review the possible outcomes, and provide the appropriate reports, information, and settlement proposals to guide informed discussions with the advocates and decision-makers involved in your case.
4. A coach can help you develop and enforce healthy boundaries.
You are in the emotionally painful process of transitioning from "us" back to "you" and "me." This can be a challenging transition, especially if you have been married for a long time or had a deeply connected relationship at one point. A coach can help you reestablish your independent identity, reconnect with your intuition, identify appropriate boundaries and develop strategies for communicating within them. A coach can also teach you skills for navigating communication with a high-conflict ex, including how to separate issues that require a response from those that do not, how to respond without "taking the bait," and how to prevent nasty communications from triggering a trauma response or ruining your day.
5. A coach can help you create a life you are excited to live.
Working with a coach will provide the space you need to step out of the divorce and into a place where you can visualize a happy future and create a plan to get there. Divorce can be all-consuming, creating feelings of despair and hopelessness. You may feel lost like the ground beneath you is gone, the memories behind you no longer make sense, and the future you had in sight has vanished. That is a difficult place to be, making figuring out how to survive each day a significant challenge. A coach can help you navigate the day-to-day tasks and define a future worth fighting for on the other side of divorce. In addition, a coach can help you create an achievable strategy for getting there and hold you accountable along the way. So many people end up emotionally, financially, and physically devastated on the other side of divorce. It doesn't have to be that way. A coach can help you figure out how.
In sum
Working with a coach during a family law matter is an investment in your future. It can significantly impact your long-term health, wealth, and happiness. Many coaches, like Wise Way, offer free consultations that allow you to explore the benefits of your unique situation. To find a high-conflict divorce coach, you can search directory sites like One Mom's Battle , where I was trained, or click the link below to schedule with me. Navigating a divorce is one of the most difficult life experiences you’ll ever have. You do not have to muscle through it alone.
If you are early in the divorce process, you may feel a building sense of dread over the entry of a final parenting plan.. The good news is that parenting plans can be structured to reduce interaction between the parents, thereby reducing conflict. One such model, the Parallel Parenting Plan, has a few unexpected benefits worth considering.